Exactly a month ago, I was dreading this day - July 18, 2014. Actually, much of our spring and early summer had been spent preparing for the planned events of this day, but along with all the work and flurry of activity, the anticipation and dread continued to build inside. Although I was confident that what was about to happen was God's next step in the life of someone I loved, that knowledge never eased the great anguish in my heart. How could I say good-bye to my dear sister knowing there would be 500+ miles between us with few visits to ease the pain of separation? Whenever I envisioned driving away from her apartment and leaving her there, tears would freely flow until I thought I could cry no more. How could I face it? One of the biggest fears of my life was staring me right in the face, and there was no way to escape it. Or so I thought.
You see, on this day - July 18 - my family and I would have been rolling into Charlotte, North Carolina with a truck, minivan, and Honda Civic ready to move Kathy into her apartment as she pursued theological studies for the next three years. As I said before, our whole family fully supported this pursuit and were excited to see what all God had in store for Kathy through these studies. But for us, the biggest hurdle was the separation, and though not exactly stating it out loud, we all knew deep down inside the adjustment would be huge - and painful.
Closed Doors
But everything changed in one day. None of us awoke on Tuesday, June 17, 2014 knowing that Dad would be told he was no longer to be employed at an institution he had served for 23 years. But by that evening, the reality of such news with its implications began to sink in, and we all sat there in shock and disbelief. What? How? Why? These and other questions filled our minds as we sought to grasp reality. To me it all seemed like a bad dream.
The Complexity of Closed Doors
Given the sudden financial change that had taken place, we soon realized that Kathy would not be able to move to Charlotte. As I alluded to before, we had spent several months preparing for this, and the evidences were all over the house and garage. We were literally about to begin packing boxes when the news of Dad's termination came. A dream of Kathy's was only a month away from being fulfilled when in a matter of moments it vanished - and unexpectedly. A closed door. A death of a vision. A major disappointment. It was a whole lot to take in.
I remember sitting there that night gazing out the window completely stunned. I could only imagine the heartache Kathy was experiencing and knew it was ten times greater than my own. How could God do this? It seemed as if there had been repeated signs of God's blessing on this whole endeavor, and we all had felt a peace knowing this was where God was leading. Even right down to free furniture - it appeared as if God's hand was in this. We weren't trying to force this to happen - the way just seemed to open before us. All along the way, we continually asked the Lord to stop us if we were making a mistake, but we seemed to only receive confirmation this was indeed the path to take. In fact, I recalled sitting in the admission's office at RTS Charlotte in April and concluding, "Why wouldn't Kathy pursue this?"
What I didn't know at the time is that God Himself would answer that question and defy all human logic.
When God Closes Doors
Over the next several days we sought to reason ourselves through the sudden change of circumstances by fleeing to God and His Word. And the truth of the Scriptures comforted and reassured in ways nothing else could.
How to reconcile where we thought God was leading and walking down a path we thought was within His will only to have it all change in ways undesirable and incomprehensible - I eventually realized it wasn't mine to understand. Why try to comprehend the mind of God? It's a futile endeavor. I could only comfort my confused and aching heart with this knowledge: This was of God. It would have been very easy to conclude that God had "pulled the rug out" from underneath us. But we didn't allow ourselves to go there. Though we wrestled through deep disappointment and shed many tears of anguish, what would bring peace and comfort was resting in the doctrines of providence and sovereignty. We had sought the Lord with this matter. We stepped out in faith to walk this path of obedience. We hadn't done anything wrong. God had led, and He was continuing to lead. This was obviously all coming from His hand.
Let me say this: When God closes doors, it is the very best thing.
That statement can only be embraced by faith. Our circumstances, feelings, and dreams were screaming the exact opposite. But God's hand had shut the door. And when God's hand shuts the door, the outcome is only goodness.
The Comfort of Closed Doors
We clung to this truth over the next several weeks as we undid everything we had prepared for this upcoming move. It was excruciatingly difficult to return purchased items, inform the school of our change in plans, cancel the apartment, and consider what the next steps for Kathy would entail. We continued to give God our confusion, our disappointment, our grief, and our fears. And we were taken to new depths of trust.
God had obviously led, though it was different from what we envisioned. Though life looked very bleak at the time, we knew that He had led - and He would continue to lead. He wouldn't leave us in the dark. He wouldn't abandon us altogether.
There is comfort in closed doors. You see, we had asked God to stop us if this wasn't His will. Never in our wildest imagination did we ever conceive it would happen through Dad losing his job, but God had protected. He had indeed answered our prayer. We had sought His face, and He showed us His plan.
As long as we are seeking Him, we can never walk outside of His will. That is comfort to bring one assurance and confidence. God will stop me. I can't go wrong.
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So as we walk the path of life and encounter its surprises and unexpected turns, be encouraged with this:
When God closes doors, He will show you more of Himself. When God closes doors, He will build your faith. When God closes doors, He will open another.
When God closes doors, it is a most beautiful thing.
