I was happy to share a testimony of God's faithfulness to me during these years of waiting on Him to fulfill a heart's desire. That testimony follows below:
Thank you all so much for taking the time to join with me in this very unique way to celebrate my upcoming wedding. You don’t know how much I greatly value each of your friendships and investment in my life. You all are a special gift to me. I have to say - this is a strange time to be getting married, and never in my wildest imagination did I ever think my wedding would be during a pandemic! I’ll never fully understand the ways of God, but I can definitely say that His hand of providence is all over this union – from the way Jeremy and I met, to our long distance relationship, to the challenges of planning our wedding in the midst of so many restrictions. My prayer is that His glory will be seen in all of this though it may not be apparent to me right now.
I honestly thought I would never see this day – a shower, which means I’m getting married! - , and there are many moments even now when I wake up and can’t believe this is all real. It is an amazing gift to me.
Many of you here have walked this journey of singleness with me, and you’ve prayed for me for many years (some of you for more than a decade). This marriage is an answer to those years of prayers, and my deepest desire through this union is that the power of our God will be seen as we ponder his ways and grasp the richness of his character and promises.
What I want to share with you this morning is a little bit of my journey to this day – not necessarily the details of how me and Jeremy met - but what God has taught me over the years as I have waited on him to fulfill this desire for marriage. I really hope that it will be an encouragement to you in whatever state you find yourself right now. In many ways this pandemic has created multiple challenges and a deep sense of longing and waiting for all of us. So in many ways, God is teaching us a similar lesson even right now.
I’m getting married later in life than the average person. I can honestly say this isn’t what I would have planned but it’s what God in his providence had planned for me. I wish I could say that I walked through these years of waiting perfectly, but that wouldn’t be a true statement. (And my family can tell you!) The struggles in my soul have been very real and very deep. You could say that in some ways this has been a form of suffering.
In my own season of waiting, God has taught me several important truths that He has used to strengthen my faith in Him and take me to new depths of trusting Him more. My prayer is that this testimony will be an encouragement to you in your own journey of faith, especially if you find yourself in a state of prolonged waiting.
1. Embrace what God ordains. One of the biggest challenges for me was coming to grips with the fact that God was continuing to withhold something from me that he sanctioned in his Word as a good gift. I couldn’t understand it. “Why me?” was a repeated question on my lips. Especially as I watched almost all of my friends and all my sisters receive what I longed for – oh the distress in my soul. I wrestled with the Lord many times But even in great anguish, when I would finally submit myself to what God had ordained for me, His peace would fill my heart. It happened every time. You would have thought I would have learned the lesson the first time! But the fact is I didn’t. It was a daily battle, a daily choice for me to accept the will of God. I gradually became to recognize, though, that embracing what God ordains and submitting to his plan were crucial to experiencing the richness and fullness of his purposes for me. As Amy Carmichael said, “In acceptance lies peace.” It’s so true.
Psalm 131 grew very special to me through these years as I learned to be in this state of submission to divine Providence. Although I did not understand the ways of God, He wasn’t obligated to explain why to me. My only responsibility was to calm and quiet my soul before the Lord and place my hope in him.
2. Flee to the Word for refuge. One of the greatest consolations to my soul – the only thing that would bring true comfort to my heart as I dealt with disappointment and grief and fear again, again, and again – was the Word of God. Even when it seemed like the words just rolled off my back and even when the tears blinded my eyes from being able to see clearly, I read, and I read, and I read day after day after day. As I continued to flee to the Word for refuge, God consistently met me there and gave me a greater understanding of who He is as well as a greater longing to love and know Him more. There isn’t time today to share with you all the amazing truths God has opened my eyes to see from His Word throughout these years that became anchors for my soul and strengthened me for the battle, but they are truths that are engrained in my heart which I will carry with me throughout all of life. As Proverbs says, their value is far greater than precious jewels.
3. Pray the Scriptures. Using Scripture as the guide to inform my prayers was a helpful practice, and I often found that the words of Scripture clearly expressed the state of my soul better than I knew how to put into words. During my times in the Word God did bring particular verses or passages to my attention that I would pray to Him on a regular basis: Psalms 16, 23, 25 and Isaiah 64:4 to name a few.
4. Recall the mighty acts of the Lord. Sometimes in seasons of prolonged waiting the future can look very bleak when it seems as if nothing will change. This was often true for me, and it would lead to feelings of discouragement, doubt, and fear. In times like this I worked hard to remind myself of the character of God and what He had done for me in the past. Beginning with my salvation (which truly is an amazing work!) to remembering specific instances in the past when He had provided and answered prayer in incredible ways, to pulling out my Bible and reading the stories of God’s faithfulness to His people – this simple practice would strengthen my trust in the God who can do the impossible. And when that happened, gratitude and hope would fill my heart and a peaceful joy would return. It really is amazing how thinking on what’s true can transform perspective.
The path that God has taken me down hasn’t been easy. In fact, planning this wedding in the midst of a pandemic and having to give up many things that were important to me and wrestle through fresh disappointment week after week – I’ve had to apply these same truths right now. I have to admit, it has been hard. But I can say this: our God is powerful, and when He acts, it is beautiful. I would never trade the heartache and struggle for anything or the years of fruitfulness He has given me through singleness. He’s done far beyond what I could ask or think, and I am so grateful for His faithfulness and goodness to me.
I want to close with a quote from John Calvin that I have read over and over and over again all these years, and which is so very true -
"...if we let ourselves be governed by the good pleasure of divine providence, we will easily learn how to persevere in prayer, and how to wait on the Lord with patience, deferring the fulfillment of our desires to the hour set by his will...God will never abandon us, for he cannot disappoint the expectation and patience of those who are his." (John Calvin)
