Well, it's been quite the week. For many people throughout the city and state, the snowstorm that came through and brought over a foot of snow and sub-zero temperatures for several days reeked havoc. Power outages, frozen pipes, treacherous roads, canceled meetings and classes, etc. As in such cases, we quickly recognized what modern conveniences and daily routines we so easily take for granted.
But there's something else I learned this week. Sometimes I'm humbled by the methods God has to use in order to get my attention.
I am a highly organized, take charge type of person. I like to to use my time well and systematically work down my list of projects. I don't like to sit still or pause for breaks unless I'm busy with my hands. After all, why stop if there's time (and sometimes energy) to keep going???
For the jobs and ministries that God has given me, this organization and self-motivation is quite useful and fruitful. But sometimes it is out of balance, especially when I can't rest unless I feel in control.
Well, this last week God had a test for me, a test that would reveal my need for growth and show more of His faithfulness to me.
On Sunday it was so relaxing to sit in the comfort of our living room and watch the beautiful snowfall. But when Monday morning dawned, I could feel myself growing a little anxious and tense as I viewed the work list for the week. I sat down at my computer in my room intent on making headway. But it seemed that just as when I accomplished one thing, five new things popped up needing to be taken care of almost simultaneously!
Then Tuesday morning came and with it a whole new list of needs. But in the back of my mind I was worried. Due to the weather, I hadn't even made it to work yet. I already knew of a huge list of things to do from the week before - and now one less day in which to get them done. Things began to feel a little out of control. I went to bed that night anxious to make it to the office but also dreading the feeling of being overwhelmed.
The commute to work on Wednesday was awful due to treacherous driving conditions. I was at times terrified. How I made it across town without sliding off the road or into another vehicle is only by the grace of God. So much for arriving at the office early to get a jump start on work! I didn't drive above 25mph the entire commute, which, by the way, took me 1 1/2 hours.
I came home that evening feeling much better about things. The needs at church were prioritized in my mind, and what needed be done, though a lot, looked to be manageable in the days remaining. I remember telling Mom before heading off to bed, "I feel more on top of things now. It's no longer out of control." Yes, those were my exact words.
On Thursday, I rode to work with Dad since the streets were still in bad condition. He dropped me off early, which was a good thing because I wanted more time to tackle what all remained before the end of the week. In trying to log on my computer (which I've done thousands of times before), however, I encountered a strange error message. Trying to remain calm, I restarted my computer and tried again. Same message. So I shut down the computer and tried again. Same message.
Stuck. I couldn't get beyond the blue screen with the password box. It was a helpless feeling. But trying not to pronounce Doomsday before I knew it was necessary, I waited for about 30 minutes until someone else arrived to see if they could help me.
As the minutes turned to hours, reality began to sink in. The user profile was corrupt, and there was no way to access any of my office files or programs. We called a computer tech company but received no assurance resolution would come that day. By mid-afternoon I was about in tears. Panic gripped my heart as my mountain to-do list stared at me straight in the face. I couldn't do any of it. Here I sat in my office chair with my vital instrument for productivity disabled. I didn't know what I was going to do.
It was the longest day I've had in years. I tried to think of things to do that didn't require a computer, but that list was short. And my other list was way too long - longer than could be accomplished now in only one day.
A verse that came to mind that afternoon was this: Be still and know that I am God. I argued with the Lord in my spirit: "But God, you know I hate to be still!" And His answer: "I know. That's why I want you still so that you can see MY power at work." *sigh* "I understand. I know that you are obviously over this whole situation, and that I need to learn to trust and rest in you. I can't fight any longer. Please help me walk through this with you in obedience to your Word."
But I still went home that night very discouraged. I tried to maintain an optimistic, cheerful attitude at work, but deep down inside I was anxious and fearful. I no longer felt on top of things. But more than that, when would my computer be repaired, and would everything still be there?
Hurrying up only to slow down. That's what the entire week had felt like. From the snowstorm to driving to working - it seemed as if every time I tried to advance I was forced to slow down. And I didn't like it one bit.
On Friday morning, a heaviness pervaded my spirit. A myriad of questions ran through my mind: Would a tech come today? Would my computer be repaired today, or would the problem spill over into next week? How could I still print the bulletin and send the News & Views? When would this nightmare be over?
I sat down for my time in the Word and opened to Philippians 4, the passage I had been studying the last several weeks. As my eyes scanned the chapter and I thought upon the truth, the Spirit began working in my heart. It suddenly dawned on me: here was the opportune time to put into practice what I had been learning!
The Apostle Paul is one individual I can't wait to meet in heaven. Through the study of Acts and his letter to the Philippian church, I have been challenged to consider what my pursuit in life is and how I live worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Here in Philippians 4, Paul is teaching these believers what it means to rejoice in the Lord and what that practically looks like. It means that my joy must be based in Christ and not my circumstances. It means not being anxious but praying with thanksgiving. It means having my thinking transformed and being content with my position and provision. It means partnering with others in the work of the gospel.
Rejoicing in the Lord is something attainable because of the strength of Christ. If I strive to do these things on my own, I will fail. But if I rely upon God, His grace and His Spirit, what is impossible and unnatural in and of itself is possible through Him.
As I drove to work later that morning, I asked the Lord to help me be what I knew I could not be through my own effort. I asked Him to help me rejoice in Him even though I was discouraged with my present circumstances. I asked Him to calm my anxious heart and thanked Him for helping me through a very stressful and challenging week thus far. I asked Him to help me be content with my lot. I asked for His grace to live in obedience to His Word.
And He answered. His power became known in my weakness.
By the time I reached the office, my heart was calm and my spirit rejoicing. Even though it proved to be an exhausting day, that joy never waned. As I sought to reconstruct the bulletin, keep tabs on incoming emails with no way to save information, and meet people's needs with insufficient resources, I knew that my perspective toward it all and my responses were so unlike my natural self. Christ Himself was strengthening me and enabling me to walk in the Spirit in obedience. And there was indeed that peace that surpasses all understanding.
God answered another prayer that day: my computer was fully functional again by 3pm that afternoon! I amazingly completed all the normal Friday work by 5pm. Even though I knew I would need to work a couple of hours on Saturday to catch up on everything, I was so happy. I had seen a portion of Scripture come alive in a way I had never known before, and Christ had enabled me to do what was impossible in my own strength.
Hurry up... only to slow down. Yes, in human terms that's what happened this week. For my take-charge-and-control-it personality, it was a miserable defeat. But in spiritual terms, I was forced to slow down in order to watch God work. Through all the seeming setbacks and nightmares, He made great strides in teaching me a lesson I'll carry with me for life.
So the moral of the story: Slow down and watch God work.
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